November 9, 2018
The way you live your life is built up on your past life experiences, including the good and the bad. What has already happened to you becomes a basis and reference of how you live and play out your life today and it determines if you will say yes or no to an opportunity or situation that presents itself in any area of your life.
Have you recently been presented with an opportunity that feels or looks like the very thing you need or want? Then all of a sudden concern, worry and fear kicked in? The fear took hold and you mentally said no and avoided it completely and made 1000 excuses in your mind to justify why in fact it isn’t what you need or want!
So why would you backtrack away from a great opportunity?
Your subconscious is designed to keep you safe and away from pain or danger regardless if the threat is real or imagined. It helps you to avoid further loss, rejection or a potential failure. Your subconscious sits at the left back quadrant of your brain and is like a massive filing cabinet that stores every single second of your life and every experience you have ever had. Think of it like a computer with a mass of files all stored neatly under “Archived”. When you face something new or similar your subconscious immediately pulls up the right file to determine how to approach this situation. (Wow quite amazing how our brain works if you think about it, something that always fascinates me). If there was pain, fear, loss or any other undesirable emotions or feelings attached to the reference from the past, you most definitely are going to start fighting or flighting… As who wants to go into what looks like “the lions den” when you been in there before and know what it looks like and how it ended.
In my life I have been presented with many great opportunities. Some, even though very tantalising, were just not for me and I said no, and this was important to recognise. There have been those that I said yes to against my better judgement that I have had to forgive myself for and see as hard lessons learnt. However there have been a few other opportunities I let pass me by that “possibly” were good for me but due to the fear of further pain and loss and other potentially harmful feelings and thoughts I wasn’t willing to even give it a second glance.
Thankfully over the years through my work and in my personal life I have learnt that this part of our mind we need to manage and keep in check or we will most definitely miss out on amazing opportunities which could be positively life changing. Yes we don’t want to step into a hot fire but when there is no real threat fear just holds us back from so much.
I am going to share with you 3 STEPS to help you to move past fear with ease and give positive rewarding opportunity’s a go.
Look at the new for what it is and give it the full opportunity it deserves, even though you may think “this” is similar to “that” and “that” ended badly or wasn’t the right fit, so run now and fast… When this happens you need to just STOP and allow yourself to experience the new for what it is, be aware that your gut instincts could be right and you need to address this, but you also need to understand that the possibility of the situation going exactly the same way is literally impossible due to a) the times is now and not the past b) it’s a different environment c) it’s a different person/s involved and d) you know more. Making a rational decision based on the present circumstances will give you a sound place to make the best decision for yourself.
STEP 2 includes loss, failure and rejection and these 3 need to be looked at differently, to see from a different perspective to allow you to take the right risks even when you are nervous to do so. Loss is something no one ever wants to experience, especially when its linked to a loved one. Your subconscious doesn’t like the word loss in any form and even if its weight you want to lose it isn’t going to do this either as it will just hold on more, keeping you stuck. So take a look at loss differently and maybe it is something that will resonate with you, or not, but loss can be the door to the new. I believe everything either comes into your life for a reason, a season or a life time and when something isn’t a life time one has to let it go when its time… it’s not that it’s lost but holding on prevents the space and time for the new and fresh to enter into your life. Failures, I don’t believe in this word and have changed it to life lessons… everything in life moulds you to who you are today and sometimes things were just not meant for you. If you look at it as a win to realign you to what is best for you (so you don’t waste time) instead of a failure, I can guarantee you will move forward positively leaps and bounds. Finally, there is rejection. This is a big one and I have come to see that we can really simplify this if we just realise that you will have people that are just not your cup of tea or are and that’s ok. Doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, it just means you have different ways of thinking, feeling, being, loving and living and that’s also ok. Not everyone is meant to be the same and be friends, but we can all treat each other with kindness and respect and accept one another for their uniqueness and this is what makes the difference and could wipe out “rejection” altogether.
And to end with STEP 3 is not entertaining fear. Fear really is just an illusion and can be the size of a grain of sand to start with but if you hook onto what the fear represents it can become Mount Kilimanjaro and you will waste way too much valuable time worrying about something that may not even happen. The other choice you have is to see the grain of sand for what it is, not what it may be, then to refocus on what’s more supportive for you and move towards this with faith strength and confidence in yourself and abilities.